Why my son has no toy guns....

My maid (bless her) has to clear up my son's toy room after the hurricane has passed over it, toppling over everything possible, toys strewn all over, paints, papers, clay, books....everything is on the floor !!

Why I told you this is because this will prove to you that she has the access and thus knows all that Aadu has in there.

So, a few days back she asked me.

Maid: Madam, why Aaditya has no toy guns?

Me: Taking a deep-deep breath in preparation of the long-ish explanation that was going to come out of my mouth !!

Mangala (her name) today the world has more guns than we possibly can handle, small children who should be in school and safe in their homes are given guns to kill other people and in most cases it is their own country people.

You remember when you and I were growing up (she is the same age as me)....did we ever hear of terrorists? Did we hear of people being killed without reason or for no fault?

We did hear of wars, but it is brave soldiers that fight a war; and a soldier holds great responsibility when he is holding a gun in his hands for he has to keep up his country's honor and name. Whereas these days a terrorist can come and shoot you and me right where we are.

Imagine when we did not grow up knowing what a terrorist is...Aadu's generation is facing it right ahead of them. Our generation is battling the Gun with more guns...to find peace and to make the world a better place for our children.

Why then should I place a gun in my son's hand? I don't want to show him how easy it is to hurt someone else. One son kills another mother's son. In the end it is mothers who are left behind crying their hearts out for having to bury their sons....

I want my son to think of other things right now, I know he has to face the reality of a gun yielding world as he grows up, but till then I hope to have taught my son what it is to solve a conflict with peaceful dialogue, and that it is OK to disagree, and that we can still be friends even if we disagree over certain issue....

Maid: Good answer Madam, I will call my son and ask him to not play with guns anymore. (She is Srilankan, so the reasoning resonated with her; she herself having seen plenty of mindless killing).

So there you go Mother's if we want to make a difference in the world, start with your own home. Remember that old saying 'The hands that rock the cradle rule the world' .....we really do have the power to make a difference as mothers.

Think about it, before giving in to your son's demands of games, toys that encourage killing and hurting someone. They really don't need those kind of games & toys. My experience tells me that if we look deep into their eyes and explain to them your reason of not buying 'that' game or toy, they do understand. If we start with a small 'No' in our home, slowly the peer pressure will also decrease. We have to teach our kids contentment with the stuff they have. As it is this is the generation that has unlimited toys due to a lot of socio-economic reasons.

This should also apply to what the child watches on TV. Please monitor what they watch, and choose what they can watch, do not give them the power over the remote control, if that happens it means there is only trouble ahead.

So Wake Up Mothers....and do your bit.

The story of stuff - from raw material to trash

We are bombarded by a lot of go-green jargon these days. Some of us know what to make of it, some of us let it pass for there is little we understand of it or maybe there is little we think we can do about it.

I am one of those people who take the Environment, our Earth our Eco-systems our plant and animal like very seriously, and I believe that we are all connected. So if the Polar bears are facing a tough time, fighting for their existence...the same stuff that bothers him will bother us sooner or later.

How many of us think about things like 'raw material sourcing', 'point of origin', 'transportation costs', 'toxicity', 'carbon foot-print', 'recyclability', 'impact on environment', 'disposal' - when buying a new product?

I too did not, and still don't think about a few things when purchasing a new item. Why all these points are important and necessary for a cleaner greener Earth are very nicely demonstrated in the following clip. It is very informative and thought provoking. Show it to all members of your household, your maid included, share it with your co-workers.

From this clip I have gained immense knowledge and am going to be an 'awakened-informed-buyer' and not just a shopping-junkie driven by consumerism.

Here is what I have decided to do:

1. Buy local goods - the thing may be made by a local company, but just check for the 'Made In..' tag. If that says the name of the country you reside in. That is buying local goods.
2. Buying locally grown fruits, vegetables - I see the divide between local produce and foreign, procured produce very clearly in our super markets especially Village Grocer in Bangsar. There a locally produced pack of Strawberries costs around 6 RM whereas the same quantity of imported Strawberries costs more than twice !! Buying locally grown produce reduces the travel-transport costs of the goods, thus reducing the amount of fuel that was used up.
3. Support local industry - buying clothes, shoes, handbags, school bags, books, handicrafts etc from the local community or city. This ensures employment of the local communities and stops a large number of them from migrating to the cities to get employed in large corporations and living in pitiful conditions.
4. Point of purchase decision - when picking up an item think very carefully - is this item a NEED or a WANT. A 'Need' is something that satisfies your basic requirements of living like food, clothing etc; whereas a 'Want' is something that feels good to have, and is something that you can like without.
5. Recyclability of the item - when buying cutlery for a picnic, buy paper plates rather than plastic ones, buy re-usable items like cloth-made shopping bags. Never get your food packed in a restaurant in Styrofoam items, carry your own metal-containers or then ask the hotel to pack in paper-based container.

This is what I can think of now....I will share more as and when I have light-bulb moments.

Do write in to share your green-ideas.

Behaviour issues

The incident that I want to tell you all about took place this past Thursday. But before I go there I will have to build the suitable background to it.

There's this lady S in my condo and her son R is a year older than Aadi. They go to the same school. R takes the school van.

Since Monday the school van is coming in early and almost at the same time that Aadi and I get home. So from Monday I am offering to take R in through the lobby door since his mom is not around and does not know about the early arrival of the van. I of course call her in front of the 'responsible' van driver and tell S that her son is with me and that we're coming up. By the time the lift came down to the lobby level, S was down and we went up together. This happened daily and I happily took R inside with me, always making sure I let S know that her son is back from school.

On Thursday as we got down at our lobby after uncle dropped us home after school. I saw that the school van was also there (like all the previous days of the week) so this time I took R with me and did not call S, I thought I will go to her home to drop him off before heading off to my home. As I let R know of my plan, he yelled at me saying that 'I know my house, and I know my mother...you don't come to my house OK?' and this statement he said in a very rude tone, and which left me numb and dumbfounded not knowing how to react at this child's outburst at my good offer to leave him till his door !!

When the lift stopped at his floor, I was thankful to see S (the mom) standing there, so I just said a quick bye to R and headed home.

I was utterly shocked at the behaviour and I could not understand how a 5 year old could muster up so much rudeness in his speech to one aunty who has known for 2 years and who has been taking care of him by not letting him stand down in the lobby until his mother comes to fetch him !!

I don't know if I said anything to warrant for this behaviour, but I think what ever the case the child was very rude and that cannot be overlooked.

I blurted out the incident to my husband who asked me to stay away from the thankless brat.

This kid R has other issues as well (according to me), he touches and gropes his mother all over her tummy, her chest etc. and this goes on in full public view !! She does look embarrassed but I don't think she has taken any stern steps to stop this behavior. She always complains that R (her son) does not listen to her, and that she has to keep screaming at her. Once the kid gave me a tap on my hand and when he saw that I did not mind it, he went on hitting me until I said 'stop hitting me' in a stern voice. Goshhhhhh I was so horrified...

Getting back to the Thursday incident; believe me if my son would have spoken to anyone in that tone he would get a tight rap from me and a reprimand of not doing it again to anyone.

I though if telling the mother S about it, but then decided not to.

Did I do the right thing?

TV or no TV?That is the question

As a mother of a preschooler & toddler, I keep reading books & articles on how to encourage learning in young children.I encourage outdoor play & explorations with sand & water.I read to them almost everyday and take them to the library once a week (I started reading to them rather late,when they were around 2,but they still seem to like books).However, one medium which continues to baffle me is television.

From what I have read about children & television, I really cannot make out whether TV is good or bad for children.From time to time I,like most other parents, have used the TV as the "electronic babysitter" even though I keep reading horror stories about how TV can cause attention deficit disorders and how some children really get addicted to it & watch 6-7 hours of TV! I actually panicked a bit when I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that children under 2 not be allowed to watch any TV because I used to keep my younger child in a bouncer in front of the TV when he became mobile whenever I needed to get something done! I used to do it occasionally and not more than thirty minutes....but I still felt a bit sick in my stomach & wished that I had known this before!

I can understand that too much of TV is bad for children because it keeps them from doing more productive activities like playing & jumping around.But what about TV in small doses? (like one hour a day). All the parents out there with different kinds of experiences & ideas ......let's have a discussion on this.

A sick baby

Yes yet again I have a sick baby; and I have come to understand that every bout of flu he has it drives me to my maximum capacity and tests me in every way possible. Not only do I have to keep up the nutrition intake, add some more nutrition, help all those medications go down the at-times reluctant throat, keep him cheerful, let him watch his favourite movies...make sure he gets all his sleep, and rest, stay up all day and wake up at night to check on him and the much dreaded fever, .....it is just endless. That's why I say that it tests me to the maximum possible limit and every time I think I cannot take it anymore the limit increases on its own & I again seem to have limit-less patience in me. But honestly at the end of the day it all tires me down. This time we're batteling flu for almost 2 weeks now, now ofcourse things are much better with only a dry cough and a runny nose. Optimistic am I not !!!
One thing that I do is make him soups, more than solid food, as soups provide fast nutrition, they are easily absorbed and we can add all the necessary vegetables or meat into them. The taste also makes them more appealing than solid food, a bit of salt, pepper, a dash of lemon..roasted groud jeera.
I also stock up on chocolates as they are another way to give the kids that much needed energy and calories to help tide over the weakness that accompanies sickness.
Fruits is another major thing that needs stocking up. I must say here that I have found that bananas are extremely useful to supress that last bit of nasty dry cough after a cough bout. But before trying it out do remember that I live in a hot climate. So anyone in a cold climate should not indulge in banana-treatment unless you have a bright sunny day.
Tea also helps in a cold, cough. In making tea we can add a bit of crushed ginger, a pod of cardamom (elaichi), black pepper and a cinnamon stick-piece. Add in very little milk as milk makes the throat itchy and makes the cough worse. But yet again nothing beats a warm glass of milk with tumeric in it. I boil the milk with the tumeric and then cool it off till the drinkable-temperature.
All the medicines that need to be given are given to my son just before serving the meal, this way the medicines do not make him want to throw up. What I do is give him his medication, then help him to a glass of his favourite juice, then after 5-7 minutes the meal is served.
I found this way to be much better as he used to throw up if I gave him his medication post-meal. Although the doctors tell me that the medication should be given only post-meal; but I do it this way as it saves me a lot of cleaning up and my baby has no trouble.
Another thing I have realised is that we are not getting enough of sunlight on ourselves, I mean we are not getting vitamin D, and I read somewhere that if we expose ourselves to sunlight for 15 minutes our body makes 1000 IU (or was it 10,000 IU??) of Vitamin D and this surpasses all the external forms of Vitamin D that you can take. So now we have a time in our sun-window where we sit and play in the sun. I must mention here that Vitmain D is the most important of all the vitamins our body needs after all we are here only because the sun shines, and life began that way.
I do want to know what the other mommies do to treat a sick baby, so mommies do drop in your experiences and tricks of the trade so that we all help one another in being better care-givers during those frighful times that our babies are sick.

Telesales - what to make of it?

I am writing this out of sheer frustation at being at the receiving end of an unfair accusation from a telesales executive (lets call him X) of a communications company(lets call this company Co.).


Around a week back...
It was slightly after six in the evening. Mihir had just finished his bath and was all ready to go to bed - we were just winding down, have a quiet chat and walk around the house. I still had to cook dinner. My only aim was to get Mihir to bed, have a cup of tea and then start cooking dinner. The phone rang.
X: Can i speak to Mr Raddi?
He was still at work and i mentioned so, and asked who was calling and if there was any message that i could take for him.
At this juncture,
X: Am i speaking to Mrs Raddi?
To which i answered yes After which, X asked me a couple of questions regarding how much i spend on making phone calls - to what countries, internet connectivity details and expenditure -, etc, etc - in short a quick picture of my communications setup at home and average expenditure on the same. By this time Mihir had given up on his sleep, had jumped out my arms to crawl out and explore the bookshelf. So I tried to answer as honestly as i could - knowing that we do spend a substantial amount every month. And i wanted to know about the product on offer.
X talked about his product and its cost - i had a couple of questions, which he answered. I mentioned that i would definitely consider this and if he could send across any documentation either by email or mail or if there was a website that i could check out. Because having seen enough of similar products, i know there is small print - like costs go up after the initial trial offer, or sometimes a phone number change is required, you know how it is - the works. And by this time, Mihir had decided he had had enough of the book shelf and my tugging on my jeans.
X, there was no stopping him - he had to make that sale right away. I was interested in what he had to say - but i had to attend to my baby. So i mentioned about the baby, hoping that he would get the hint and i could politely get off the phone.
X - oblivious to the sound of the crying baby in the background - still expounding upon the million ways in which i will save money, and how superior the product is - urging me to take on a free trial. At this point, i mentioned, that i need to speak to my husband about the offer, do the sums and consider if the free trial/product-service offer made sense to me. I explained this but he still talked about the free offer. At this time, I explained that i had a baby and generally a free trial means, you need to return the piece of equipment if it doesn't meet your expectations - and that trip to the post office is always a pain for me. I didn't want to take on the trouble and hence wanted to carefully examine the offer beforehand.
X: i do understand that you need to speak to your husband and discuss it with him. What time will he come home? I will call in two hours. Can you discuss it with him by then?
By this time, Mihir was positively howling and i just said yes, taking the immediately available opportunity to get off the phone. However before i could hang up, X warned me that the offer was a special one and only available for that day.

Later in the day...
At around 8.30 or so - my husband is just back from a long day atwork - mihir is still battling sleep - but i have managed to put together dinner somehow, and we are famished. As we sit down to dinner and just as we are about to start, the shrill ring of the phone. Who could it be - mostly its someone from the States (accounting for time-zone differences) - and the phone is promptly answered. He spent half an hour explaining the offer all over again to my husband - who clearly had an expression on his face saying "who is this guy and when can i have some dinner" - although he managed to glean the fact that X was calling from a call centre in Bangalore. At that time of the night, my hubby hung up saying he needed to revisit the information before making any decision and that X should atleast give us a week to do so and that if the offer was not available to us then - well we had missed out and it was our misfortune.

A week later in the evening...around 6 PM or so.
I dont know how but X managed to call exactly at the time when Mihir was extremely sleepy and just about to drift off - only to be woken up by the telephone ring. X asked if my husband was around. Dear hubby was out of London and going to return later that evening. I explained to X, very patiently too, i must say and X agreed to call later.

The next day... this time in the afternoon just after Mihir's lunch...
Again impeccable timing, this time he managed to wake Mihir up just after he had drifted off - i picked Mihir up and answered the phone. It was X. I had dropped my voice to a whisper and explained that i couldnt take the call at the moment as the baby was just drifting off. X, as we have established by now, was not ready to just hang up and persisted on.
X: Mrs Raddi, the offer will not be available later. What time can i call you?
Me: later, please - not now.
X: tell me a time.
I, once again, requested to get off the phone then. Mihir is up and wants to grab hold of the phone. I was exasperated, irritated and really angry.
Me: I am not interested in your offer. If i lose the fantastic offer, its all my fault.
X: in an angry tone - Mrs Raddi, i knew the first time i had talked to you that you would not go for the product.
Me: then why did you bother to call me? i was just looking at the phone in disbelief.
X: Thank you.
Hangs the phone up.
Baby bawling in the background.

That was the first time, a salesman hung up on me. Not only that he managed to really insult me by implying that i was just getting him to call because i had nothing better to do - and really spoiled the rest of my day.

I have been a salesperson myself and i know how difficult it is to secure a sale. But i have also been a generous buyer of products and services - and i have responded to all forms of promotion activities - telesales offers, catalogues, internet offers. And in this particular situation, X almost had a sale. If he has just understood my predicament with the baby, understood the fact that in order for me to consider his offer properly, if he had just emailed the details to me - it would be easier for me to consider the salient points of his offer. I couldn't possibly remember the zillion things he was offering. Or better still, he should have just secured an appointment to call. I was interested in the product. I was fully aware that i might lose out on the offer and mentioned so.
I think the worst blunder was to imply that i wouldn't have bought in the first place - what kind of accusation is that?

In either case, thats how it happened. I would be very interested to know what X could have done to secure the sale and what i could have done to have had a better experience.

How to keep my toddler occupied

My toddler goes to school for two hours five days a week. After coming back home which is around 10:30 a.m. she takes her bath, has her snacks and goes for a nap. She is usually done with her nap after about an hour. So there is a quite a gap between the time she is up from her nap till the time that she can go to the playground. I would welcome suggestions on what I can do to keep her occupied during this time as she becomes quite bored during these long afternoons.

Men ignoring your presence

I am standing next to my husband & some male friend/colleague of my husband or just some one new greets him warmly & have a little chat and just ignore my presence & behave as though I am transparent or invisible !! I am not greeted, I am completely ignored......has this happened with you? Well with me it seems to happen very often....and I wonder why?
Do the men we met have a low self esteem or are they plain shy to talk to ladies? Or do they think 'that's just a wife we can ignore her, she's not important'?
I feel angry and insulted.....
Tell me your thoughts on such an event

How to Get your kids to chew food?

Hey all, my son is going to be 2 years next month & he still does not chew his food. Is it my fault for giving him soft foods? But he does eat i.e. bite and chew things like french fries, wafers etc.
I have tried feeding him a banana (a relatively soft fruit) as we elders do, he did manage to take bites & chew but after some time he gave up as if to say that it is too much work. So I ended up mashing it for him again after which he ate it all !!

If you have any ideas, suggestions for me please do write them down in the comments.